What am I gonna do in life?

What do I want to do in Life? What is my big Dream? What do I want to experience in life?
Sometimes (like everybody els) I wonder what the purpose of Life is, and it can be really hard to know what the meaning is besides living. If the purpose of life is for us to only be like pawns in a game, and the idea is that we should live , then we should do it to the fullest?
My biggest fear is that I´m gonna end up on the street ad not have somewhere to go , even though I know it will never happen . I have a wonderful family who support me through everything and I do fight in school to get good grades so that I can live the life I want . So really there is no problem , right? But if I should say what I want to do in life which is: to live , to be able to do the things I want to do in life without anything stopping me or getting in the way ( economically ) . I want to travel and explore the world. See its beautiful sides of it. I want to meet someone I simply can´t be without (we all have those  friends we can not be without , but I’m referring to something considerably ) . I want to wake up next to someone and feel , ”Wow, this man I would do anything for .” I want to achieve something that succeed, something worthy the definicion of succes . I want to fight and tear and then get a result out of it.

My absolute dream is to change the world in one way or another . It may not change the whole world. But one can change one person or several persons world . I want to do something good, a good deed that  will be forever grateful to the person or persons . I want and I will do something good for the world.

I do not think I’m alone in these thoughts, probably everyone have those dreams in one way or another . But I believe that to achieve you have to struggle a lot . Because life is not a bed of roses. First and foremost, you have to gain a good education and a job so that you can support yourself . And I guess that it is the most important thing  in life. Being able to stand on your own . It is, at least  to me and really the only thing I ask of life.
To be able to stand on my own!


The real deal with beeing a teen away from home

Whether you think it seems totally glamorous or downright intimidating, boarding school certainly has a bit of mythical appeal. You may assume you have a pretty good sense of the experience—demanding classes, dorm living, no parents—but what’s it really like attending one of those storied institutions? Well seven mounth ago I was a exactly that person wondering how it would be to move away from home to attend high school in another city. And I have summed up things some things I think you schould Think about, Before you move 😉

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions
Why leave the comforts of home to live at a school far from your family and friends? Students decide to attend boarding school for a number of reasons. For many, it offers opportunities that are simply not available in their hometowns. This can include rigorous academics, as was the case for me., last year I attended Söderport in Kristianstad: ”I live in a town where the public school system isn’t great for teens with disability, so unless I wanted to attend a high school with less benefits, boarding school was the best option.”

They can also offer a wider variety of classes and activities outside the standard educational framework, which was a major draw for me.,”I’d heard that this boarding school offered direction and support to pursue my interests.” And contrary to the belief that boarders are ”sent away,” for most it’s a choice you´ll carefully considered alongside your parents. So to be honest this was not what I was dreaming of growing up. Leave my family in a young age to pursue my educational dreams. ”I ultimately decided to go because it gives me a head start on college.” When I want to study further I´ll be ”prepered” and exeprienced 🙂

There are several types of boarding schools, and selecting the right one is the key. There are therapeutic schools for students who need extra support because of learning disabilities, as me or disciplinary issues, as well as religious schools for those who want an immersive dual-curriculum, but the majority are college preparatory schools. They offer advanced academic programs that help prepare students for the demands of university life, and often give students the opportunity to explore a large range of subjects or specialize in a certain field at a young age. . Many of these schools also have day students who stay on campus for classes, study hours, and extracurricular activities, but go home at the end of the day and on weekends.

Hitting the Books and Getting Involved
As noted above, demanding academics are a draw for lots of boarding school students. When you leave home, you have to feel that you can take care of yourself, when it comes to studys and homework you will not have the nagging voice of your parents, and unless you want to fail and move back home, you need to set a good plan and organize yourself. As you may know I want and like to be challenged in that way. So I of course ended up chosing a very pure theoretical and though. Many schools offer alternative approaches to learning. Unforunfortunately my school dosen´t offer you help when it comes to studying, well you can go to a study workshop after school hours, but I Think that it.

The high-pressure educational environment also helps to prepare students for the stresses of college, as my school but the way I think when I feel that it get´s to much is: ”High school is really hard, but once I hit college, I´ll be thankful because they didn´t gave me a cushion my first year.” At my school you can get the help of a special education teacher to help students manage the workload by providing an academic schedule that extends beyond the school day.

A major advantage that boarding schools have over other high schools is

Home Away from Home
One of the hardest parts about attending boarding school is not living with family. Your teenage years can be rough as it is and being away from that support system can be lonely. If I’m having a bad day, the only thing I can do is call my family. A phone call isn’t always the most satisfying form of comfort, but it’s a sacrifice I chose to make.

Being on your own also means taking on a lot more responsibility and learning to be self-sufficient. It can be tough, but since I live in a student hall I´ll get cooked food and some help from the staff. Or sometimes I just want someone to take care of me, even if that means doing little things like buying my shampoo so I don’t have to worry about it. But armed with the right skills, you´ll learn to manage. It helped that my mum taught me life skills before I went away to school,”. ”Knowing how to do laundry, iron, and manage my time seriously aided in my survival. Yes you guys, I  feel like I’m truly living on my own although are so many people there to help—teachers, dorm ”parents”, and my friends.”

Boarding schools are very similar to college when it comes to the living situation; most students live in dorms .  Boarding schools also provide an opportunity to meet people with different backgrounds.

On weekends, boarders do the same things as other high schoolers. ”We sleep late in the mornings, and do homework, go to the mall, work out, or hang with friends in the afternoons. The doorm ”parent” often plan trips and activities as well, from shopping trips and theme park visits to cooking evenings . Some students even take the opportunity to go home on the occasional weekend, depending on where they live in proximity to the school. After all, if there’s one thing boarding school makes you appreciate earlier than most, it’s having someone at home hahaha…. to do your laundry!
Do you go to boarding school? or do you plan to start? 

I wanna be Forever young

It sounds so corny to say that but you guys get it, right?. No it´s actually really lame . I want to turn 18 but not really. I feel so old and I constantly feel like I don´t  have had time for everything I want to do in this life . So really 18 isnot that bad , but then you become 19 then 20,25,32,49 etc . And I do not want to grow up yet. I do not want to sit and pay bills, I do not want to move in to my own Place, although I live in a dormroom by myself righ now.  I do not want to start taking responsibility and I do not want to sit at a job from 9-5 . But at the same time I wanna graduate, I wanna work. But I constantly feel like I want so much more, but I ‘m afraid to not catch everything.

I really want nothing more than to turn 18 so I can do what I want, take my driving license , make my  own decisions. It´s feels like time goes too fast. I do not want stuff like that big responsibility. Though I would of course nothing more than to turn 18. I can´t Believe that I´m 17 years old and have age anxiety ? I just now and realize how silly that may sound.

Now you may understand why Peter Pan said ”No don´t grow up, it´s a trap”

That´s exactlly how I feel. When you were little, you wanted nothing more then to become an adult. I have always felt older than I am. At the same time I want to be forever 21. Do you even get this???Being on my ”own” this last 6 mounth I now realized what it means to be an adult so I do not want to grow up. And  do all that boring stuff like adults do. But I also want to be an independent Young woman and take my own Life decitions.
I still believe that I’m afraid to grow up. I want 3 children when I’m big but if you really sacrifice himself and his life for someone else. Are you ready for it? I do not know if it’s all the hormones that are spinning around in my head or not, but I do not want to get big or adult I wanna be forever young.

Favourite pics

Rhythm Riot 2013
I love the color of the sky in this photo, took it a while back when i was in the UK
Took the little Pentax to town today! Bright #white lights & sparkle! #q7weeksofcolour
back in London I snapped this pic on Oxford Circus at night, macigal 😀
This Lovely monster is my new born  baby cous or my charming Prince ♥ him

Wake up and live


Right now, it’s time for me to ”wake up”, to really realize that I am living in Kristianstad and that I’m goding to stay there for the next comming for years. I have to get back my motivation and start amning for A’s and B’s as I utsedd to and study hard. Coz at the end of the day I sant to get somewhere in My life, do all the things I sant to do, build My own buissnes from skratch and really succés in My chosig of ambition. To do all that I have to start with getting out of this crazy sad mod that I’ve benen in for the latent two mounth. And reach out to My class matens that are really trying to talk to me and get to Knowles me, but I’ve answered them, smiled and then benen silend. I know that this has benen as à roller-coster, with me saying that I’m gona change and try to socialize, and yeah you get it. I Know My behavior can come across like an alcholic sayin’ that he/she is gona get sober, but fails over and over again. And the fact that I’m sharing this with you guys and the rest of the world is crazy, coz the old me world not do this and I gET it. if you get tired of me and My wired mod, and if you don’t want to reda absolut this, well then you can click on the X at the right corner and ignore to visit My blog, anyways I’m gonna try to really be myself and become more open, I’m rally tired of benig sad, and fail with My classes and exams, just because that I’m benig tired and not feeling for goding to school. I really ned to get back that motivation and Belgien on à new page

Wow I rally need to stop before this shit get’ sto deep 😛

I thinner this is where I say bye 😉

Am I getting to personal here?!?

Hello loves!
So now I´ve made up my mind!
Starting on Monday , I´ll begin to take a hold of my life,  I want to be happy again. Smile a real smile and not just coz I have to be ”nice”.  Not manny of you who don´t read the blog knows that I ‘ve honestly felt SHIT this last periods,  but do you know what? I have to ”wake up” . Stop isolate myself from the outside world and be social again 🙂

I stopped hanging out with my friends which  I now  apoligize for. Most of you guys that know me, or likes to think you know me , usually have a picture of me as strong, independent girl. It may be true to some extent but it is not as everyone thinks it is.

The problem with my sadness is that there is not something specific that I feel bad about . It´s  factors mixed together into feelins that make my life out of balance.
I just have to thank God that it hasn´t affected my studies. Those of you who have read the blog since its inception and perhaps hung on from the last blog , you know that I have had many times when I told him that I felt unwell and unable to blog , but I’ve never really talked about it as I do now. But from now on, this should be changed. Anything that makes me feel bad , I ignore. I’ll try to change the things I would have changed . I’m already working on my attitude and feel that things are going well so far. I have decided to start afresh . There is a chance that I will fail AGAIN , I must say, but I’ll do my best. This time I’ll be afraid of death and not crave it. I would also like to apologize to my friends if you are reading this . Sorry I have ignored you. I’m sorry I behaved so badly in some situations. I really hope you accept my apoligy. I will be back,  happier than ever, with more energy than ever and ready to live the life that I have since learned to love fully . I know it certainly is many who are wondering why I’m writing this out on the blog. For me it is a step into the new ”me” . To recognize my mistakes and weaknesses are a big part of the process to actually try to change and improve the things that are wrong for me it’s also very important to be honest with everyone who is in any way a part of my life or takes part of my life. Usally I am the knid of person who doesn´t like to talk about feelings and ignores them, hide them does anything, but talk about them. For a long time, not that I have changed, or I still Think in a way that emotions are powerful things that I shouldn´t really pay attention to, some of the feelings are just to much and should be ignored.

It´s time for me to really Wake up and take care of all the things I´ve not cared about, such as deal with thoes of my friends I should keep and thoes of them that make me feel bad and pisses me of, I should ”break up” with thoes and move on with my Life, coz at the end of the day I have to live with the decissions I make.
♥ to ya all 😉