So now I´ve made up my mind!
Starting on Monday , I´ll begin to take a hold of my life, I want to be happy again. Smile a real smile and not just coz I have to be ”nice”. Not manny of you who don´t read the blog knows that I ‘ve honestly felt SHIT this last periods, but do you know what? I have to ”wake up” . Stop isolate myself from the outside world and be social again 🙂
I stopped hanging out with my friends which I now apoligize for. Most of you guys that know me, or likes to think you know me , usually have a picture of me as strong, independent girl. It may be true to some extent but it is not as everyone thinks it is.
The problem with my sadness is that there is not something specific that I feel bad about . It´s factors mixed together into feelins that make my life out of balance.
I just have to thank God that it hasn´t affected my studies. Those of you who have read the blog since its inception and perhaps hung on from the last blog , you know that I have had many times when I told him that I felt unwell and unable to blog , but I’ve never really talked about it as I do now. But from now on, this should be changed. Anything that makes me feel bad , I ignore. I’ll try to change the things I would have changed . I’m already working on my attitude and feel that things are going well so far. I have decided to start afresh . There is a chance that I will fail AGAIN , I must say, but I’ll do my best. This time I’ll be afraid of death and not crave it. I would also like to apologize to my friends if you are reading this . Sorry I have ignored you. I’m sorry I behaved so badly in some situations. I really hope you accept my apoligy. I will be back, happier than ever, with more energy than ever and ready to live the life that I have since learned to love fully . I know it certainly is many who are wondering why I’m writing this out on the blog. For me it is a step into the new ”me” . To recognize my mistakes and weaknesses are a big part of the process to actually try to change and improve the things that are wrong for me it’s also very important to be honest with everyone who is in any way a part of my life or takes part of my life. Usally I am the knid of person who doesn´t like to talk about feelings and ignores them, hide them does anything, but talk about them. For a long time, not that I have changed, or I still Think in a way that emotions are powerful things that I shouldn´t really pay attention to, some of the feelings are just to much and should be ignored.
It´s time for me to really Wake up and take care of all the things I´ve not cared about, such as deal with thoes of my friends I should keep and thoes of them that make me feel bad and pisses me of, I should ”break up” with thoes and move on with my Life, coz at the end of the day I have to live with the decissions I make.
♥ to ya all 😉